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Pettiness is the Best Motivator

On a normal day (or, I should say, evening), I work between about 2:30 PM and 11:30 PM. Canadian time; I’m too tired right now to figure out what the conversion is. Why?

It’s 5:20 AM. In the goddamn morning.

You may be wondering exactly why I’m still up right now, why in the world I haven’t gone to bed yet.

So there are a few reasons for that;

Number one, I stayed late to work some overtime. Normally, I don’t do more than maybe half an hour additional, and it isn’t that big a deal since I’m part of the work-from-home brigade. Tonight, though, there was an urgent task, and one of my team and I stayed late to try and get it done. Somewhat frantic, both of us pushing as hard as we could.

Needless to say, I didn’t EXACTLY get the results I wanted, but kudos to them for giving it their all.

Number two, this isn’t really late for me. A late “morning” for me is 6:00 AM or later. I think the earliest I’ve been up was around 8 or 9, just because my friend and I were hellbent on finishing that one arc in “My Hero Academia”. The arc with Overhaul? You know the one if you’ve seen the anime.

How ANYONE simps for that guy after all that, I can’t even begin to understand.

Anyways, back on topic. So those two reasons explain only partially why I’m still up. Because I’ll have you know, I am very, very tired right now.

So why am I still up?

Is it because I was writing? Nope – I do that during the first part of my day when I’m at my most energetic. I definitely write after work as well, sometimes, but that wasn’t the case today.

Did I have a big date?

Unless you consider the cat laying in my lap and purring as one, not exactly. Although I did very much enjoy her company, even when the dog sulks in the corner because he isn’t the one getting attention at that exact moment.

No…I was and am up out of pure, unadulterated pettiness.

What is it that got me so riled up?

Alright, so to put it as clearly as possible – I work on a schedule. Funny, right? Most people do, but for the purpose of getting my first book published, I put myself on a monster of a schedule to actually get it done and out. I’m very well aware of how my fear of failure can put me behind, so to keep it from impacting me, I intended to just keep scaring myself until I get used to the feeling and get over it.

Is it stressing me out? Maybe a little, but as a wise(ish) friend once told me; pressure makes diamonds. Or something. It was something along those lines.

So a part of that schedule was getting this website up.

Now, I had no intention of launching it at like, 6 in the morning. That wasn’t part of the schedule.

What WAS in the schedule was that, today was payday, and I was fully intending on hiring someone to do the job. As much as I work for a tech company, I’m not the most savvy on web application jazz.

I had budgeted specifically for this, knew who I wanted to hire, all the good stuff…But then realized I didn’t have web hosting. So I couldn’t get anything set up via the guy I was planning to pay. For all I know, there’s an easy way to get that elsewhere and I was just too annoyed to do it (work had already been hard tonight), but the main point? I was mad.

So I said screw it, and here we are. A half-decent setup that’s functional, if nothing else.

Needless to say, I saved some money. I was also given the amusing reminder of just how stubborn I could be, and how far a negative emotion can bring me.

The worst part?

I didn’t need this to be done until October 1st. Big rip on my part. HUGE.

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